Ain’t nothing but a g-string and some big tatas….
Here she comes, trolling seductively down the hall. She’s tall and pale and leggy. She’s loping like a baby giraffe through the scrub of the savanna. It’s cold outside, but that doesn’t matter. She’s wearing open toed shoes with a toe ring and tight tight tight faded jeans. Her fake double d tatas stretch the size small sweater until what before our wondering eyes should appear? A pale belly. That belly glows there for everyone to see. The massive round mounds and then her navel and a good portion of her belly. Who is this female you ask? Is she a student? Are you even in a school? Surely there’s a dress code here you think, this is school for god’s sake. She then advances to her duty, swooping in like a bird of prey with her tri-toned dyed hair- a crescendo of colors ranging from bright burgundy to blonde to dark brown. She bends down to put her liquid diet lunch on the ground as she prepares to take her seat. And much to our chagrin, there it is–the g string part of her thong underwear. And while most of you may think this female would be a young person, a student, or a substitute who didn’t know better, or perhaps a brand new teacher unaware of dress codes, this is a well seasoned teacher in her forties, showing up at your local public high school looking like an aging pole dancer. And no one says a word. And this is yet another reason why I no longer believe in the institution of public education. This woman would never have been hired in the business world, and if she developed these habits after she met her sex crazed boyfriend who bought her new tatas, encouraged her dieting and sexted her during work, she would have been spoken to by Human Resources. After all, we all know that Snooki would never make it at a respectable job. Yet here she is, albeit much taller, paler and older, teaching your children.